


Body

by nofaceghoul



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: BASICALLY CANON CONFIRMED AFTER CH68 OF TGRE WOW, Blood and Gore, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Voluntary Cannibalism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 03:38:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2836709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nofaceghoul/pseuds/nofaceghoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hide and Kaneki's last meeting, but filling in what Kaneki's memory leaves out. what i think might've happened, at least.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Body

**Author's Note:**

> _Take my eyes, take them aside_   
>  _Take my face, and desecrate_   
>  _My arms and legs_   
>  _They get in the way_
> 
>  
> 
> _And take my hands, they'll understand_  
>  _Take my heart, pull it apart_  
>  _And take my brain, or what remains_  
>  _And throw it all away_  
>  _'Cos I've grown tired of this body_  
>  _A cumbersome and heavy body_

The sharp, irony smell of blood from the gaping wound in the disoriented ghoul’s side and the acrid smell of dirty sewage water surrounded him as he stumbled through the sewers. That investigator had taken quite a fair chunk out of him. How was he standing? His vision swam. He could still hear the screams from above, the fighting, those he had abandoned…

_Save them…can I? I can go back, I can…_

_So much blood….there’s so much blood…_

_Kill a person, eat their flesh….heal—_

_**STOP** stopitstopitstopit GET AWAY FROM ME MY BODY IS MINEMINEMINE GIVE IT BACK—_

“Hey, Kaneki!”

The ghoul (no, the human) called Kaneki stopped, jolting suddenly back to reality. He was frozen for what seemed like forever to him, a cold bolt of fear shooting through him when he heard the voice almost immediately replacing his initial relief. It couldn’t be, could it? It was just another hallucination, just another honey-coated cyanide pill that his mind was forcing him to swallow. Hide couldn’t really be there.

“Hi…de…?”

He couldn’t turn around. What if Hide wasn’t really there? Or worse, what if he _was?_ Kaneki couldn’t let his best friend see him like this, he couldn’t.

It felt like swallowing lead, feeling that kakuja mask come back over his face as he slowly turned his head. _He isn’t there, it can’t be real, there’s no way, he can’t he can’t hecan’t—_

When Kaneki turned to finally look, he caught a flicker of surprise come over Hide’s features before he schooled his expression into something more casual. “Wow, that sure is somethin’,” he said and oh, that was Hide’s voice. It was him. His golden voice and he was standing there looking more solid and real and beautiful than anything Kaneki had ever seen. Hide’s expression was soft, his eyes sad. “All this time, you’ve had to suffer like this…” he said almost to himself, a mournful expression on his face.

“You won’t need that mask anymore.”

Kaneki drew in a breath and despite himself he could feel hot tears threatening to spill, blurring his vision. “I-I must be seeing things…Hide? I’m seeing things again, he’s not—he can’t be here…” The ghoul babbled to himself, a rising panic filling his throat, his head buzzing because there was no way no way nowaynoway—

“Hey, who cares about all that?” A hand on his shoulder, grounding Kaneki back to reality again and there was Hide again, closer this time, right there in front of him with that shining smile of his. How had he gotten so close without Kaneki noticing? He let his guard down because it was Hide. And he was saying the nicest things, he was _accepting_ him. “I already knew, man! Let’s just go home already.” Kaneki’s heart ached.

_Eat him._

Kaneki’s heart stopped at the sudden thought, throwing himself back from Hide with a pained gasp. _No no no no not Hide, not him, I can’t…_

_There’s flesh right in front of you, **take it and heal, grow stronger.** You know you want to eat him, doesn’t he smell good?_

“NO!” Kaneki screamed, gripping his head and panting hard from the effort of restraining himself. He wouldn’t become Rize, he wouldn’t…not his friend…he wouldn’t eat him…

But he did smell _so_ good.

“I-I won’t…Hide please…” He was crying now, small shudders running through him as his mouth watered.

Hide looked uncertain, not knowing what to do to help his friend. And he wanted, he wanted _so desperately_ to help him. He was here, his goal of finding Kaneki met, and he thought he was prepared for what would meet him, knowing it wouldn’t be the same old Kaneki he’d last seen, but now all he felt was helplessness. What could he do? He glanced at the wound at Kaneki’s side. ‘Wound’ was putting it mildly; it was all Hide could do not to gag or cringe. It was a gaping hole, blood dried dark and crusted around it and staining Kaneki’s clothes, but with each movement from his white-haired friend more blood poured from it. Kaneki looked weak and disoriented on top of his distress, and Hide’s mouth set into a grim line. He’d done a lot of research on ghouls, as much he could get his hands on when he had a suspicion of what had happened to Kaneki. Ghouls were supposed to regenerate, but it didn’t look like that was happening with Kaneki right now. Regeneration was often facilitated by eating flesh… “I want to help you,” he said finally. “They’ve blocked all the routes out, there’s almost no chance of a ghoul getting out of here…” A small sob came from Kaneki. “…That’s a nasty wound.”

“Hide please, you have to get out of here” Kaneki gasped. He was curled into himself, crouched with his arms wrapped around him, black nails digging into the flesh of his arms. It was a defensive stance, but Kaneki could also easily leap at Hide from that position, the blonde noted. “I…I hear these voices. Run away or I’ll—“

“Sorry.” Hide’s expression was downcast, an apologetic smile on his face. He knew what he had to do, how he could help. There was no way Kaneki had a chance of escaping when he had that hole in his side. “I hate to do this to you. But can you fight with all you’ve got one last time?”

An animalistic snarl tore itself from Kaneki’s throat as he pounced on Hide. There was agonized hunger and fear in his eyes as he gripped Hide’s jacket tighter. “Hide, I…”

“It’s okay.” Hide had that same small smile on his face. No fear. He gave a little encouraging nod. “Go ahead, I won’t stop you. But,” he lifted his hands up slowly to Kaneki’s mask, giving the other a look as if asking for permission to remove it. Kaneki flinched, but allowed it. Hide carefully took the mask from Kaneki’s face, dropping it. He smiled again. “There’s my Kaneki.”

The tears finally fell then, Kaneki’s breath hitching. “I don’t want to do this Hide.” The hunger gnawed at him, clawed at what was left of his insides and the thoughts were like a drumbeat in his head _eat eat eat eat eat eat him_ but god, this is why he had distanced himself from Hide in the first place. He had never wanted it to come to this.

“Hey, hey don’t cry. I said it’s okay right?” Hide lifted a hand to Kaneki’s cheek, wiping a tear with his thumb before resting his hand there. “I mean it. You’re weak Kaneki, you need it.”

Blood pounded in Kaneki’s head, pulsing behind his eyes and he knew his left had turned, could tell from the slight tightness behind his eye. Yes, it must be okay then right? Hide said it was okay so it was okay. Hide knew what he was doing. Hide loved him and just wanted to help him. It was fine, he would just take a little, a little taste, just enough…and look at that, Hide had even been conscientious enough to pull his jacket and shirt so as to expose his shoulder. What a good friend. Hide was such a good friend. His best friend.

Kaneki lunged forward like a man on the brink of starvation and bit into Hide’s shoulder. He sighed when he felt the flesh give and the blood burst into his mouth. Oh this was good, so so good, so much better than surviving on ghouls. Why hadn’t he done this before? Some silly idealistic notion of hanging onto his last shred of humanity?

Kaneki was a ghoul.

He moaned, licking the blood from the wound he’d made. “You taste so good, Hide,” he sighed, nibbling around the raw edges of the quite defined chunk of flesh he had torn from Hide’s shoulder. Was there really much of a shoulder left anymore? There was a bit of white peeking through the blood and gristle.

Hide winced when Kaneki bit into him, but he bit his lip, not wanting to cry out and scare Kaneki off of him. He needed this, so Hide would grin and bear it. He gave a small breathless laugh. “Really? Well that’s a relief. Guess I don’t have to worry if I taste good or not anymore since you’ve settled that.”

Kaneki chuckled before tearing Hide’s jacket open easily and ah yes there was more of his beautiful delicious looking skin. His eyes shone with a feral light and he leaned in to sniff Hide, licking the salt from his skin. He’d never indulged himself this way before (was he talking about eating human flesh or being this way with Hide?). Hide shivered a little at that action. “H-Hey Kaneki, weren’t you ever taught not to play with your food?” A wry smile came over his face as he regarded Kaneki nuzzling his stomach and nipping at the skin. “I hate to interrupt you, but we don’t have all d—oh.” All the air went out of Hide as Kaneki suddenly bit his stomach. Hard. He pulled his head back, tearing the soft flesh of Hide’s stomach with him as he messily gulped it down. 

Rize was right, the soft stomachs were the best part.

Hide didn’t even think he could scream even if he wanted to at this point. He felt a ringing in his ears and everything seemed far away, like it was happening to someone else. He saw Kaneki tearing into his stomach with a gleeful expression, a lunatic shine to his eyes, saw his blood and organs spilling out but all he felt was kind of numb and cold. He was pretty sure his body had gone into shock.

But that was okay. This was okay, he was glad. Kaneki was going to be okay, he stood a chance of escaping now. He could see the wound in Kaneki’s side slowly stitching itself back up. Hide smiled. He had helped, and he was useful, and that was all he could ask for. It was alright now then, he thought to himself, to rest a bit.

Kaneki giggled uncharacteristically, ripping another piece of flesh from the body beneath him. He was covered in blood and gristle but this is the way it was supposed to be, he saw that now. He was a ghoul, and ghouls ate humans. The strong devour the weak.

“If I had known it was this good, I would’ve eaten you sooner,” he laughed, pulling a loop of intestines out and biting through them, chewing thoughtfully. “I think this might be my favorite part. To think your insides were even more beautiful than the rest of you…hey, Hide?”

Kaneki’s chewing slowed at the lack of response and he swallowed before glancing up at his friend’s face. His eyes were closed, but that wasn’t Hide’s sleeping face. Kaneki dropped the intestines he was holding and they landed in the low level of sewer water with a soft plop.

“Hide?” The blood drained from his face as he came back to himself, hands shaking, his eyes widening in horror. “Hide come on, this isn’t funny!” He was starting to hyperventilate. Oh god, blood was everywhere, his blood was everywhere…

Kaneki screamed, pulling himself away from Hide’s body. What had he done? The blood covered his hands, his face, god he could still taste it.

He ran blindly, wanting to get as far away from that scene as he could. _I didn’t, it’s all in my head I didn’t I didn’t kill Hide I didn’t eat Hide I didn’t he just he left maybe he was never there to begin with I didn’t I swear I would never **I didn’t eat Hide.**_

After awhile Kaneki stopped to catch his breath, taking a minute to survey his surroundings.

...Where did Hide go?

He must have left, the ghoul decided. His wound was healed now though, which was good. He paid no mind to Hide’s sudden disappearance or his current whereabouts, and decided to press on towards the smell of rotting flowers.

**Author's Note:**

> the ending seemed kind of abrupt to me, but i didn't know what else to write and it's been a while since i've posted or written any fics. so yeah i dunno if it was obvious or not, but the shock of what he'd done was so great that he blocked it out pretty much is what ended up happening. given kaneki's past mental instability when being faced with horrific circumstances, i figured it was plausible


End file.
